By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
