Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
