i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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