non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize