It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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