For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize