She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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