I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
