He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
