vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
