Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
