when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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