he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
