I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
So vagazzling was a success
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
