My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
