my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
