Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
