My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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