and you said cock pushups were impossible
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize