I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
