It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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