Taylor Swift is so right about you.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize