He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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