when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
