i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
