I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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