please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
