if i can run in heels then i can drive
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
