so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
