I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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