you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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