at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
