Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
