apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
