I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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