Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
