Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
