Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
