he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
