Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
