Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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