I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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