hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
