I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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