did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
