At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
