jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize