OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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