So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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