Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
