i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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