I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
