Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize