Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
