Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Barsexuality is the new black.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
