dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
