You're completely useless in the revolution.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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