um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
