Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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