i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
