I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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