just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize