I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize