I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
