giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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