I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
