hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
