Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
