She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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