You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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