I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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