Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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