Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
