So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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