if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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