That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
