I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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