planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
