I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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