Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize