gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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